Hello Monday. It’s the official day for the blues. And I’m sub-employed; my blues certainly feel more legitimate. I feel like a definite maybe. Making these life changing decisions certainly lifts the spirits and now I can reach out for my double shot of espresso without guilt and dig my teeth into the morning papers.
Trust the Toilet Paper of India to expose us to all kinds of information. I love this paper, it’s trashy and it makes no bones about it. I’m a garbage information junkie and this paper has kept me in the loop of all things irrelevant and all news inconsequential for years. Don’t get me wrong, I love the intellectualism of the Indian Express and the Asian Age but I’m usually found reading that when I either want to impress a younger partner’s parents or am wooing a much older man.
So this is what one random article had to say- In the early December of 2011, a band of astronomers restarted the iconic quest for extraterrestrial intelligence which was interrupted earlier by a lack of financing. So a brace of 42 telescopes were wired into action, hopping from star to star hoping to tune in to radio broadcasts from alien civilizations. Much money is being pumped into this exercise and many hopes pinned on it. Astronomers are cooling their heels, waiting for a squeal or a squawk or the tiniest bit of garbled gibberish which would signal the end of our cosmic loneliness. In short, we’d be asking one question less, “are we alone in the universe?”
Right, of course. Considering that we’ve conquered our inner loneliness and our eternal existential angst of being lonely in a crowd, it only makes sense to expand and diversify and look to aliens to add more meaning to our lives. But in some way it makes sense, we can barely stand our colleagues, we constantly wish our bosses were dead and once in a way everyone’s thought of swapping their partners. Or killing them. It would be nice to meet a flying mini T-Rex with red eyes or a bluish-grey being with a slit for a mouth or even a Nordic Humanoid, so long as it doesn’t talk and nods it’s head in the appropriate places while being talked to. What more do women need anyway? Just someone who will listen patiently without adding 2cents of their own advice. And having an alien at hand would be superbly cost effective in the sense that I wouldn’t have to log on to makemytrip.com anymore to book cheap air tickets, I’ll have my own flying saucer to take me around.
Interestingly, there are endless UFO Religions in the world, all more awe inspiring and bizarre than the other. Sample this – There is Raëlism, considered the largest UFO Religion in the world, founded in 1974 in which it propounds that life on Earth was scientifically created through genetic engineering by a species of extraterrestrials, which are called Elohim. Past religious teachers, like Jesus, Buddha and Muhammad are said to have been sent by these scientifically advanced extraterrestrials to teach humanity and the religion believes that ultimately a combination of human cloning and ‘mind transfer’ can ultimately provide eternal life. The Elohim are said to be planning a future visit to complete their revelation and education of humanity. Now that’s a visit I’d really like to see and while we’re at it, I’d like to be Angelina Jolie’s clone with my mind swapped with any Stephen, Hawking or Fry or even King if the first two are taken.
Then there is Scientology that talks about ‘space opera’ which isn’t like the usual opera where you go to experience temporary coma, this one is about extraterrestrial civilizations and alien interventions in our past lives. According to the founder of the religion, L. Ron Hubbard, when Human beings die, they go to a landing station on the planet Venus where they are ‘re-implanted’ and programmed to ‘forget’ their previous lifetime. The Human beings are then ‘capsuled’ and dumped back in Earth off the coast in California where the Human being then searches for a new body to inhabit. Hubbard suggested that in order to avoid so much trouble of inter space travel, Scientologists should simply refuse to go to Venus. I’d really like to give this religion a shot but Tom Cruise, the religion’s most celebrated and sparkling spokesperson explains it as “What Scientology is, is it addresses man as a spiritual being. Okay? And it gives people tools that they apply to their lives to improve conditions. And that is what it is" and of you happen to tell him that you don’t quite buy into the concept then all you get is "Some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well, then, fuck you. Really. Fuck you. Period."
Also, Hubbard was quoted saying “The quickest way to make a million is to start your own religion.” With a guy who thinks like that, I think I’m ok being born a Sikh and then being born again as a Shaivite and then falling in love with Krishna, so on and Scooby Do. I think it’ll be a while before I exhaust the 330million Gods of India or be like Linda Smith and become a dyslexic Satanist, worshipping the drivel. In any case, my capsule to Venus will have to wait.
